去年今日沒有發出的電郵

I just woke up after crying my heart out this morning until 4. My anger told me to voice this out.

Since the very beginning, you’ve never believed that I love you and I’ve never cried in front of you anyway. I’m only a gentle present which is displayed at the eye catchy place in a department store.

Rest assured that you’ve brought me to the top of heaven and then pushed me down from there so I’m figuring my way out of the hell. YOU DID HURT ME.

Certainly my conscience tells me this is the best and the only way which caused the least pain and hurt the least people. It’s a great sharp turn so there’s no long term pain. It takes time for my emotion to comprehend and accept this in reality.

I said I’m gonna be strong. I’m trying. How can we measure pain? We measure its length/durability: short and long. We shall also measure its intensity. Recently I watched TVB’s soap opera which talked about the divorce of a couple. I realised the intensity of my pain would never be compared with that of your wife if you had hurt her like that.

I do hope that your guilt does make you love your family more.

I’m only a present. That’s why I’m left behind. However, it's the right thing to leave me behind.

圖片名叫Hidden Depth，像我的痛苦。

電郵一直都存放在draft folder裏，去年今日沒有發的原因是不想製做更多痛苦，不願變成您的痛苦，過了一年才貼，相信對您的傷害應該大大減少，那對我呢？

電郵描寫了我一直以來的想法。