付出了，覆水難收，不再回來，「忘記背後，努力面前」卻還不是時候！
2009年3月25日早上11：15你發出的那個電郵，揭開了改寫我們人生的序幕，還是我在3月18日發出的才是? 由顛覆標準到站在黃綫以後，我能選擇的是甚麽？
每當六神無主的時候，就翻開南華早報的每日星座運程一看，我還保留了「事發」以後的一些：
March 25
You have a knack for explaining the virtues of new plans or ideas in a way that can make them appealing even to those who insist they’re not interested. However, winning them over to your way of thinking will require a serious dos of charm combined with solid information.
March 26
When things go wrong, you can be extremely tough. However, you also make a clear distinction between what’s important and what isn’t. Sadly, other people haven’t and are making a large issue out of the very small errors made by one particular individual.
March 27
Only days ago you were arguing against certain agreements that would result in substantial changes to elements of your work or lifestyle. Now you’re enthusiastically planning for the future. Keep this in mind, especially over the next several weeks.
March 28
A clash is brewing with somebody you respect but who also rather intimidates you. Obviously, you’d prefer to resolve differences before it all comes to a boil, so you’re trying to gather the facts you need and thinking things through, which will make the situation easier to manage.
March 30
Nobody would blame you for being suspicious about ideas that would require far-reaching changes to elements of your working or domestic life. However, you also realize these aren’t just wise but also help you ease into the changes taking place around you.
March 31
Making a plan and sticking to it is important. Still, the powerful planetary activity involving Mercury, Pluto and your ruler Saturn indicates you’re facing a combination of intriguing developments and changes in the actual circumstances you’re dealing with.
April 1
Because you dislike it when others take a heavy-handed approach to discussions. You state your points clearly but do everything to avoid being brash. This is the problem: one particular individual anything less than blunt statements.
April 2
Others say they’re excited about the plans you’re mulling over but you’ll soon need more than just their enthusiasm. Actually, their anxiety is greater than they’re admitting. Take it slowly, allowing the facts triggered by the new moon to expose those issues that need to be discussed.
April 3
Every Capricorn struggles with self-doubt in some form and sometimes they’re vicious. The irony is that not only are others rarely aware of these, they’re often intimidated by your knack for organizing things. This is the case now. Reassuring them in relatively simple.
April 4
There is a difference between knowing that you’ll have to make life-changing decisions and actually making them. Some people seem to think that because they’ll have to be made eventually, the sooner they’re dealt with, the better. You’re right in deciding to wait.
April 6
You’ve been struggling to create a balance between you domestic life and various more worldly obligations but you haven’t achieved much. The events triggered by the full moon later this week will result in big changes and bring all those efforts together.
April 7
Little makes you more uncomfortable than emotional dramas. Yet you’re aware that, of ages, one particular individual’s circumstances have been deteriorating. And you fear if you even mention these issues it will all come out in a waterfall of feelings.
April 8
You realize that it’s unwise to try to preserve one particular longstanding arrangement in your domestic set-up just because it’s become part of your life. As delightful as this situation once was, things have changed, and this element is seriously holding you back.
「I used to want to change the world. Now I want to leave the room with a little dignity.」Lotus Weinstock 的名言。
十多年前，跟當時青年服務團體繼任自己的人合不來，失蹤了一段時間，看到Weinstock的話，不知道她是何許人，更不知道她說的所謂何事，就是感同身受。
過了這麽多年，去年底因爲一次虛榮心傷害了自尊心，又想起了。
話説老大哥服務團體的理事D先生邀請我到他們的每週例會分享，感到榮幸之餘，還有點光宗耀祖，心想日後可在江東父老面前炫耀一番，便一口答應。日子過去，D 先生沒有再與我聯絡員，此時我卻發現老大哥於同日另邀高明，且大事宣傳，隻字不提我的部分，主動聯絡D先生，他表示的確在同日安排了兩位嘉賓，提議我先分享我的。
眼見自己知名度不如人，既然人家隻字不提自己，便打退堂鼓罷了。
因爲傷得很，還想起了「自尊心是不能傷害的，被傷害的自尊心底下生長的是仇恨」，如果說「世界的一切不會因爲我的悲傷而改變」，世界的一切也不需要因爲任何人的悲傷而改變。
有時候，我的確覺得自己沒有理會別人感受的必要，因爲他們沒有顧及我的感受。
原載於2010年3月11日東方日報副刊，請按滑鼠便能閲讀放大版本。
我可算是梁小姐的專欄讀者，覺得她跟我一樣懷有赤子之心，另一種説法是「長不大」，我的選擇一樣是「傻仔酒」，雖然更多時候，我是同時喝那三杯酒。
當你見到天上星星 可會想起我
可會記得當年我的臉
曾為你更比星星笑得多
當你記起當年往事 你又會會如何
可會輕輕淒然嘆喟
懷念我在你心中 照耀過
我像那銀河星星 為你默默愛過
更那柔柔光輝 為你解痛楚
當你見到光明星星 請你想 想起我
當你見到星河燦爛
求你在心中記住我
無需要太多 只需要妳一張溫柔面容
隨印象及時掠過 空氣中輕輕撫摸
無需要太多 只要再三地望向我
請妳望向我
仍慣性笑笑似最初一樣
仍感覺到妳我也認識過
人活著但願尋找開心不曾做錯
誰又受罰為何只淮陪我坐
妳注意過我已經稱賀
世界太闊 妳的哭笑不止為我
＊曾失去太多 只想妳置身於他人面前
仍會略略提及我 彷似妳歡喜的歌
無需要太多 只要某一夜夢見我
當妳夢見我 會碰碰那一個 失眠的我
就算妳是重要 如何能講出需要
身邊沒缺少 還祈求多少需要
我說「進化」，因爲我不欣賞「昇華」，後者多用於美化「行不通」的感情關係，我用前者，意味進步。
有趣的是，一方面我確「曾為你更比星星笑得多」， 而你說過「妳注意過我已經稱賀，世界太闊，妳的哭笑不止為我」，另一方面我站在那段由前者到後者的心路上，時而徘徊，時而顛簸，需要「愛」、「狠」，更需要「寬恕」和「放下」。
昂首闊步以前還是希望「當你見到星河燦爛 ，求你在心中記住我。」
同樣我相信你會希望我「當妳夢見我，會碰碰那一個，失眠的我。」
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well." Ralph Waldo Emerson
偶然看到，很喜歡的名人名言。
"I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are." Milton Berle
「曾經有」和「發生過」，可能比「從來沒有發生」來得痛，但來得好。
